What a heart can hold....

"Lord...I cannot,
But, you can."
I reminded myself every time I glanced at  the dry erase board where it was written in bold black letters.
So many responsibilities, people that need a gentle touch,some that need the 'stern look' some that need laughter and smiles. All need Jesus. They don't need me but they need Jesus. And since I am where God wants me to be...Then I /we are those hands,feet,smiles,bandages,jokes,songs,ect.
Sometimes...I wonder how much a heart can hold.

I hold a tiny baby...so tiny and malnourished it squeaks barely audible sounds. Tears fill my eyes. Ellamae walks behind and I notice the tears in her eyes as well. My heart hurts...then  after I've finished the babies 1st feeding and bathed his tiny body I walk back to my room.
A funny old guy awaits me...wanting to talk and laugh...so you switch. Gone are the tears..now smiles and a listening ear. "Mis Mali..I have hypertension in my ears..I didn't say my heart I said HYPERTENSION in my ears!!!" I laugh. .."Ok Monsieur...do you have ringing in your ears??"

"Ahhh,yes mis yes...you know." I turn away from him to jot down the ear drops he needs. Hiding my smile.

This is the little boy...he died during the night. I have to remind myself that...I can only do so much. Leave the rest in God's hands.

Mis Kayla and Madame Leger were happy to discover that they were matching! (Btw...Madame Leger looks grumpy..but she had been laughing her head off a minute before;)

Fre Nores and I decided that we matched as well😉

Living in a land of mountains...is beautiful but dangerous...this brave little tyke went to tie his goat to a patch of grass. A rock came tumbling down the mountain and pinned his little hand. 

-true and amazing fact:he didn't cry or complain at all...while we cleaned and bandaged it. I'd have given him a bravery /honor badge if I could have!!!

She was mad at her father-in-law...so she took machete to his head. Thankfully it wasn't to deep....8 stitches closed it up nicely and a good saline wash...he was all set to go. Before he left he had us all laughing. "Mis yo...I'm not sure why they did that but I think it's because I can't hear well. They call me and I don't answer. But it's not my fault." He gives us that pleading look and we all reassure him that, no it wasn't his fault.

This is my 'happy picture' little Mirlene Felix is a ray of golden sunshine. She comes dancing into the clinic with a hug and kiss for everyone. Even the white guys!!!(if they are lucky enough to be there) I brought her over to see Donny and Thea's little girls one day. She was delighted in little whites. After we walked away she looked up at me with wayyyyy-to-smart little face and asked."Mis Mali, was that 'lotbo' ? Meaning America. She is a plumpy Nut patient and doing amazing. Her flashing white grin captures your heart.

And....this is my little sister Isabel...I think she makes a wonderful little nurse controlling blood pressures and giving patients her happy contagious smile. 

I know you're wondering why this picture...my title of this blog is How much can a heart hold" for those if you who appreciate nature and it's beauty....this makes a heart glad. After weeks of working in the mountains and with sick people, IV's,blood,puke,diarrhea, death, stress...ect. this too makes you wonder how much the human heart can hold. I don't know...but I know this. That HE is able...thru willing hearts and hands to do amazing things. Anywhere...not only here but wherever you are. He gives strength .

Happy nurse.

Mis Mali

The Work Goes On

The road between the clinic and the mission house is lined with growing crops.

 The last several weeks have been filled with visitors from North America. It's been great to have the extra help for some of the projects that we have been doing around here. Another blessing is the many things that are brought down in the luggage of these visitors. Things that friends and family have sent as well as some medical supplies for the clinic.

Ellamae does patients' vitals in the morning with our new vital sign monitor, a major upgrade from the home grade BP cuffs we've been using until now.

  Clinic has been going on as usual. Large crowds each day but not more then we can handle. Reflecting back on how things were last year at this time makes me realize how much we have to thank our Father for.  Last year around this same time we were dealing with many things such as life threatening complications during births that resulted in quite a few emergency runs out the long and bumpy trail. Things have been going much smoother this year.
  One project that has been going on is the building of a small screened in addition outside the back door of the clinic. This will create a much needed spot to take a quick break when things get to hectic inside the clinic as well as be a place where linens from the clinic can be washed.

  Some of our visitors helped finish up the painting on the little shed above the clinic, it has finally been transformed from a crooked little stone shack to something that actually has a touch of its own Caribbean charm. I'm reasonably sure that in the US no one would trust a laboratory that was being run in a building that looked like this, but here in Haiti, it fits right in.
 

Mali's younger sister, Isabelle, begins painting the front of the soon to be laboratory

  I am struck every day by the beauty in this corner of the world. The fields are now green with waist high corn growing up out of a dense layer of bean plants, the trees are about as green as they get, and the rain clouds gather on the surrounding mountain tops almost every day.
  No matter what we face, no matter how many discouraging setbacks we experience, God is always faithful. His work goes on, despite our own failings and shortcomings. Someday all things will become clear. Until then, we will carry on! Keep us all in your prayers.

  
  

Training, Processing, and Acting!!

Clinic life this week has been relatively slow compared to the past several weeks. Our week has been full though with training and teaching sessions. Brian Evelth, a paramedic and Mary Strubar a Nurse Partitioner/ Midwife came down for a week. Every afternoon is spent at the clinic filling our brains. 

One thing I have been thinking about a lot this week is why are we here? What is our goal for the clinic? To save lives our save souls? Of course, we would all like to see saved lives and souls. How many times do we focus so much in saving the life, we forget about the soul? If we have done all we can do with in our resources am I willing to give that patient over to God? We as humans will never have all the answers no matter how much education we may have. How quickly do I go to the one who has all the answers when I am in various situations? Do I wait until I have practiced all the knowledge/ skills I have before asking God for His help? 

These are some questions I had to challenge myself with. 

I would like each one who is in health care to challenge yourself and do a reality check. I know how easy it is with advanced medical care to get a diverted perspective. It is important to daily do a reality check and ask our selves, what is my purpose? What would Jesus do in these situations? 

As a soldier of Jesus Christ I want my light to shine in the hearts of each patient I see. 

Let's keep pressing on! 

~ Alyssa 

Smiling through your tears

The last while has definitely been the time for coming into the clinic with cuts. From either falling while working in their gardens or from a Machete. I had the joy of doing my first 2 stitch jobs. The one was a young boy who had fallen down the mountain at School. He had lots of little scrapes and knocked out a tooth as well as two nice big cuts on his forehead. Mali did a wonderful job at telling me what to do every step of the way, and making sure I did it right. The little boy was so strong through it all. When I asked him if he had pain, he tried his best to smile even tho he had tears running down his face. 

 This dear lady was on her way to clinic to have her baby, but she didn't make it. The baby was born at a friends house along the trail. 

One of my favorite parts of taking people's vitals is trying to get the dear little children to smile. As soon as I say "Good morning" and ask how they're doing, some of them reply right away with a chipper "Good morning, I'm fine". Others shyly hide their faces, not wanting to let the Mis take thier temperatures. Others tell me that they are sick. 

"The best way to find yourself is to loose yourself in the service of others" 

-Mis Ellamae

The Battle Belongs to the Lord

  Spring rush is on! It seems that here in Alegue the start of the rainy season in early March always coincides with an increase in clinic traffic. Part of that is due to most of the local farmers having already planted their fields which gives everybody more spare time to do things like go to the hospital or assist family members in getting there. I'll try to highlight a few of the things that have been happening around here in the last week or so.
  Since the first of the year we've been doing some renovation on the little area uphill from the clinic to the fence.  Thanks to several of our local "bosses", Lucien and Auguste, the area that had always been an eyesore is now paved with rough yet tidy stones that help keep the mud at bay as well as discourage the ever present litter. I put a new clothesline up as well to the great delight of the cleaning ladies at clinic who until then had been patiently improvising with a few short ropes hung between the trees.
  Another project that has been in the development stage for quite a long time is renovating the old stone two room outbuilding above the clinic into a medical laboratory. That project so far has involved a new metal roof, reinforcement of some of the old framing, and running electricity to the building. It seems that we are legally required to have a lab to be able to finalize our clinic's registration with the Haitian Government and besides that, with the long distance we have to send our patients for blood work it will be a dramatic boon to our level of care if we can do some more basic tests here ourselves.
  Last Thursday we experienced one of the tougher things that medical faculty have to deal with. A young girl with a very swollen liver and abdomen was carried in in severe respiratory distress. A very sweet and friendly little thing, when we'd ask her how she was doing, she would barely gasp out between breaths, " Pa pi mal!" ( not to bad). However, she was not doing well at all but we elected to keep her at the clinic on oxygen and try to stabilize her and perhaps transport out to another hospital in the morning for a higher level of care. By 22:00 it was obvious that she would have a hard time making it through the night so we decided to transfer out to the Cuban hospital in Grand Goâve. Alyssa and Ellamae went along for patient care and we headed off down the rutted trail in the landcruiser. Halfway out to town our little patient´s struggling breaths finally ceased. Her heart had stopped. As I turned the rig around with a heavy heart and started back up the trail towards home the words of that song, ¨Oh Lord Jesus how long?¨ kept going through my mind. ¨How long till death will finally be vanquished once and for all? Why does life seem so unjust and cruel at times? Only God knows the answers to these questions and I am slowly learning to take these things and leave them at his feet and not spend to much energy trying to sort it all out. Dealing with these types of situations, especially when we are at our wit´s end to know what the next step is, forces us to lean on Jesus. He´s promised to take our cares and carry them for us. Sometimes I wonder why I´m so slow to talk to him about stuff. He´s always been there when the going gets rough. He knows his plan. The fight is His. The winner of this war has already been decided.
   Pray for the team here. Pray that we´d have an extra dose of courage and wisdom for the difficult times. Pray that we would through our love and service keep expanding the borders of the Kingdom of God.

What would it be like to have strange growths and lumps on your face? Everywhere you walk people whisper in hushed tones about the strange formation on your face. I'm sure if I would be a Haitian that lived in the mountains....I would have never let my heart dare to hope. Dare to hope that one day I could walk around and no one looked at me askance. Dare to hope to look normal. But for those who haven't given up hope....there is hope!! In the shape of 9 scrub clad doctors and medical students  from Tennessee.Ready and willing to work. A tangible evidence for those who kept hope burning in their hearts...

I watched in awe as the team banded together and performed amazing surgeries. 

This dear lady,in spite of her age,was brave and got on the operating table. She had told me on a previous visit..."My miss...if one day a doctor comes and can take this off. My heart will be light. I will be able to walk pretty in the street again."I held her hand and squeezed it tight. I looked into her eyes and was amazed at the strength I saw. "One day...hopefully I can call you and tell you that a doctor has come who can remove this for you." She smiled and walked away. Now....

Here it is. And she looks amazing. Just a scar the length of her jawline.

Tracing the incision lines on another patient.

The cyst that they removed from her cheek!!

Working late into the night. ...

This tiny little woman danced around the doctors,thanking them for having removed a cyst that was right inside her lip.


So....that's a little glimpse of our miracles. Sometimes they come  clad in scrubs, carrying bags of sterile tools and tons of guaze.

I love living here and learning from my Haitian neighbors. They have taught me more then I ever imagined. Their hopeful spirit and simple faith in God is beautiful.
-Mis Mali

A Peek Into Clinic Life...

Greetings from the Alleuge clinic snuggled in the mountains of Haiti. Even though you may not hear much about this clinic or have the most updated stories. There are nurses who strive day after day to share the love of Jesus and provide medical care to the natives who live in these mountains. 

The last several weeks we have had small clinic days. It has been nice to catch our breath and have time to enjoy our guests.

 A few recent pics from the past few weeks! 

      My sister Amy helped with a birth! 

  Mali, with one of her malnutrition children

          Ellamae,weighing a set of twins. 

Amber, adding the finishing touches to St. Luke's dressing! 

                 Our current team! 

This past week we were very grateful to have a team of Doctors here. They spent 4 afternoons performing minor surgeries. We feel very blessed it was possible for them to come and help the people in this way. Many of the people who received surgery would never had the procedure done due to cost etc..

Thanks very much to those who came. We feel richly blessed! 

Please continue to pray for much needed RAIN!! 

~ Alyssa