Tears of Joy and Pain

Life comes with joys and sorrows, laughter and pain, life and death.. Many times we want to avoid the pain and sorrow and enjoy the happiness in life. However, it is the painful situations that make us more dependant on God and strengthen us. Through these times God can break us and mould us into something beautiful. 

The past 2 weeks have been filled with joys and sorrows. We have had several births which are joyous occasions for the most part. To be exact we had  4 in 29 hours which resulted in sleepless nights. It sure felt like we had a birthing centre thankfully it has subsided for the past few days. Two of the births coincided which was a lot of fun since both teams of nurses where at the clinic. Whit and I in the one room and Kindra and Mali in the other. We would keep checking on each other to see who was progressing the fastest good times.. 

The four of us nurses with our two babies! 

Other joys included, the smile on a patient's face when you tell them they can go home after being with us several weeks... The excited little boy with his glove balloon I gave him and many more. 

Sorrows also are a part of life but, many times hurt and tear us apart. The first incident was our neighbour man who died in the hospital after his health declined. This was hard for those involved. The second was a 2 week old baby who had not eaten in two weeks. Whit and I did all we could by inserting a NG and giving small frequent feeds.

Inserting the NG tube. 

 After supper, we did not feel comfortable leaving the baby at the clinic for the night. We decided to bring him up to the house. Not long after he peacefully slipped away. It was sad and beautiful at the same time to think of a innocent baby not having to experience all the pain and sorrow of living on this earth. While grieving the shock of the baby dying, I got a message from home that my grandma had passed away. Even though I was expecting the call I was very glad to have Whit with me when I got the message. It hurt so bad. How could this baby have slipped away and now my grandma? I loved them both so much. My heart hurt sleep did not come but I had much time to think and pray. God gave me a beautiful picture of my grandma holding the little baby Whit and I had tenderly cared for it gave me a special sense of peace. I was reassured with knowing that Grandma was safely home where she wanted to be. 

Through the pain God has shown himself strong. Walking to clinic yesterday morning I had to smile at the sight of the many people on the path. Arriving at clinic Fre' Noras asked why I was so happy and I didn't know what to say but, I knew that the joy in my heart is what can help me through the day. 

~ Alyssa 

Senior

Last Tuesday towards the end of our clinic day, a husband and wife came in carrying two week old twin boys, Mitchye and Senior (Seen-yo).

My heart cringed as I pulled the blanket back from Senior's face and saw what looked more like the aged and weary expression of an old man than a baby that should never yet have known a worry in the world!

They said his mom didn't have enough milk and that he hadn't been able to nurse.

We knew he was a critical case, but we still had a lot of hope for him after recently seeing another miracle survival case similar to his of a baby named Job who lived the first 21 days of his life without milk!

Alyssa got an NG feeding tube started right away and we began with a pediatric ors since he apparently had been fed next to nothing since he was born, and we knew he wouldn't be able to handle milk right away.  

He perked up almost immediately and started experimenting with his vocal abilities, not really crying, but just screeching in a very high pitch!  I've never heard a baby cry that sounded so much like a squeaker toy!  It was quite endearing, and Alyssa and I suddenly found ourselves loving this tiny little squeak! ;)

We convinced the mother to stay the night so we could continue his tube feedings and monitor him more closely.

That night we carried him home to spend the night with us so we could feed him every two hours.  We put a warming pad with plenty of blankets in the bottom of a small pink suitcase and made a bed for him there.

"I think if he makes it through tonight, he'll be ok.  And I think he will make it.  With the way he cried, I think he really wants to live!" I said.   After all, I thought, Job was worse and he lived!

About 10:30, soon after he had finished another ors feeding and we were preparing to leave him to sleep, Alyssa and I both noticed his ashen color.  I felt suddenly alarmed that he wasn't ok. 

"Alyssa! Is he...?  What's that on his clothes...?"

We crouched down closer to look, just in time to see the rest of his tiny liquid meal run from his mouth... 

He had just died.  

We stood in shock for a few minutes, not willing right at first to believe that he had actually died.  Our minds right away searched for anything that we maybe could have done differently that could've made him live.

But we had done everything in our power to do, and he still died.  It would be very hard to not believe in God, whose power is greater than ours, the one who gives life and the one who takes it away...

Hans fetched a little box from the depot for us and we used it for a coffin.   After all that, Alyssa and I sat down to watch the video I had taken of his cute little cry again.   

A couple short minutes later, Alyssa got word from home that her Grandma had just passed away.  She had been expecting that word for a few days, but it was still hard.

It didn't seem like coincidence that at almost the exact moment we watched little Senior slip away, her family was back home saying goodbye to her Grandma too. 

Her Grandma had loved babies and had had 15 of her own.  Alyssa mentioned how it felt a little like she was there for her Grandma's death by being here with Senior when they died so close to the same time...a bittersweet experience!  

It reminded me how much God cares about those small details of our lives! 

-whit