"Hidden Blessings" By Michaela Smith

The tears silently slid down my heart, as a lifeless little body slid into my hands. “God please”, was the prayer that echoed quietly from my lips, as I unwrapped the tight cord three times around his neck. Surveying the little one, I simply saw no trace of life, which them prompted my next move, CPR. Seconds passed, before I grabbed the stethoscope, to listen to a much wanted heart beat. Nothing. I continued, all the while making sure mother was in good condition. Marcile had just entered the clinic gate and soon 

joined me. We continued to work with the baby, but before long it was clear that we did all we could. I had glanced from time to time, at the faces of the parents, as they watched things unfold. Hopelessness was more and more seen, the longer things went on. We had tried our best in trying to get baby to breathe, but it was clear that the little one wasn’t meant to live life here on earth. My heart ached, and the tears threatened to flood my eyes, when I walked into the hospital room where the mother laid on her bed. The tears were streaming down her face, as she mourned for her child. I wanted to reach out to her and make things better, but I knew I couldn’t. So, I just stood by her bed, silently praying that God would be near her through this time. That same day, I assisted at the birth of a different mom who later went home holding her healthy baby girl. 

I will never know the “why” behind some little ones dying in childbirth and others living; but this I do know, that it’s God who ultimately chooses life or death, and that there is always a purpose behind everything he does. 

Although, there are moments of pain, there are still moments of beauty and things to be thankful for. I’m reminded of that daily: through the smile of a child, the music of praise playing loudly just before clinic opens, the laughter as friendships are being made, a flower, the little child running along with excitement as his handmade kite trails behind, and the songs of praise erupting from the mouths of loved ones over the safe delivery of their newest family member. These are a few of those “hidden” blessings, that serve to remind me to be thankful for the gift of life, but also of the sustaining strength, faithfulness and goodness of God. 

-Mis Michaela Smith

Update From Mis Emma "The Little Things"

         “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names. Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.”

                                                                                                                               Psalms 147:3-5 KJV 

These verses stood out to me this week as I was reading one morning before heading to clinic. It makes me feel so small and God so great. 

         Something that helps me keep that perspective is focusing on the little things in life and realizing how great they really are. I think God puts many beautiful things in our path every day that I easily fail to recognize. The newborn baby’s first cry, the smile and “bònjour” from the little grannie across the street, sitting on the top of a mountain and hearing the tiny sounds of all manner of things in all different directions, watching the stars sparkle at night, sitting beside a campfire or beside the ocean, the mischievous wink from the neighbor kid...and I could think of many more things. These are the little things that we experience that are actually really big things , so easy to take for granted and yet so beautiful. Even in my darkest hour, my most broken state, God is big and cares so much. Here’s to me trying to notice and enjoy the little things and not wait for that big thing; to standing still in the silence and waiting for God to move. 

          Here is a picture of a tiny lil patient of ours. She’s over a month old & quite malnourished. She has a very caring mom who wasn’t able to produce enough milk to keep her healthy. She was apparently born at home and normal sized but was only 4lb when she arrived here at clinic. She’s been staying at clinic so we can keep a close eye on her and give her formula. She is close to 5lb now and much stronger. 

Thanks so much for your prayers and support!         Mis Emma

Update from Brendan Horner

05/11/20 

       It was great being back at clinic today. Last week we took off Thursday and Friday to go on a little beach outing with Derek and Lori before they leave. There was a funeral in T-Goave that we went to on Saturday then I stayed the night in T-Goave and came home Sunday afternoon. It seems like I was gone a lot the past few days so it was good to be back at clinic today. 

      It was a normal Monday at clinic. Had a total of 72 patients. My days consist of the usual bandage changes and just help out where needed. One of the patients that came in today is a little baby that is very malnourished, it's so tiny and sick looking. It will stay here at clinic till it is up to 5 pounds. 

       This evening there was another baby born at clinic.

 Having newborn baby's around is always refreshing. When you see a lot of sadness and people die it's always refreshing to see and hold a new life. 

 Brendan Horner, EMT

An update from Mis Marcile

 

                                           

Haiti...    the Country I left five years ago, the country I fell in love with... I'm back!

I left Haiti in 2015 not knowing where God would lead me. After going through 4 years of Midwifery training God opened the doors for me to come back to Haiti. I was thrilled and amazed at how God opened the doors. The last couple months at home had been very stressful for as I was preparing to sit for the NARM Exam to pass the test for Certified Professional Midwife. I passed the Test October 31st and then enjoyed a couple relaxing weeks with my family before I left for Haiti. 

     Life here in Haiti has been as normal as normal gets around here! COVID-19 caused quite the stir here. Unfortunately they blame it on the "whites" for bringing it into Haiti. There are so many false stories and ideas going on around here about the COVID-19. Like if you find a hair in your bible you boil that hair in water to make a tea and drink that to keep from getting the Corona Virus!!! So, people were going through their bibles and looking for hair and making tea out of it!! We of course told them that is NOT TRUE and will do NOTHING. 

     I'm not even sure how many actual positive cases we have here. But thankfully, as far as we know there are no COVID-19 cases in our area. We have been taking precautions though and doing a lot of education to help people understand how it spreads and what to do about it. We have a hand washing station at the clinic gate entrance so everyone can wash their hands. There are a couple other changes we made to keep the virus from spreading, if it does come here. 

Thankfully people have been calming down and we don't hear as much of this craziness. Clinic days have also been getting busier as things had slowed down over the first news of the COVID-19. The government closed all the schools and the churches are supposed to be closed too although many are still having church.

     Emergency runs have been far and few between... which is something we won't complain about! We did have an "almost" emergency run a couple days ago... a pregnant lady came into clinic, I checked baby's heart tones and was very concerned as they were not normal. I quickly did a cervical exam to check dilation and was confused at the position of baby. I was pretty sure it was breech but something still didn't feel right. I palpated her abdomen and still couldn't figure out the position of baby. I called in another nurse and we decided to send her out to town. By the time we got a transfer paper written and mom settled on the machine she was pushing. Here comes a baby's butt. We could see right away that something was very wrong with baby, it was severely deformed. Baby lived for about an hour after it was born. 

Death... so final. It seems like we've been experiencing it quite a bit the last while. Or is it just because it's so draining and heart breaking?????? A mom in labor working extremely hard to bring her dear baby into this world, pushes for one last time as a lifeless little form slides into the world with a very tight cord wrapped around its neck 3 times. We did CPR but baby did not come around. Tears slid down my face as I held the mothers hand and tried to explain why baby died. My heart hurt for her as she cried out "I did all this work for nothing". 

    

     Then there's Sè (sister) Ramon. The mayor of Ti-guave, the mother of many. Died from heart problems. EVERYONE knew her... an extremely influential woman with a big heart of love for everyone she met. Its crazy how the death of one person can affect so many lives. The night she died we could hear wailing and screaming all over the hills, I was wondering how I would sleep. Clinic staff came to clinic the next morning sad and heart broken. I didn't know this lady but being with people that knew her, people that were heartbroken and crying every single day, is wearing. Her funeral will be on Saturday. 

     

      A mom of 4 boys comes to clinic extremely sick. She just had that "look"... a look that tells you she is probably HIV positive. Probably one of the worst things I have to do here is tell a person that they are HIV positive. There's so much hopelessness in those words... so much fear, so much uncertainty, so much pain... I tried to break the news to her gently but she did not take it gently. My heart broke for her as she cried out over and over "its not possible, I do not have it". I checked her 5 month old baby and found the dear little one also positive. We encourage and firmly urged the mother to go to town for treatment but she refused because she was sure she was sick with something else. She died a week later... 

     On a better note there have been beautiful, healthy babies born, bad burns that are healing, wounds that were horribly infected that are healing, sick people getting better, smiling faces greeting you as you walk into clinic happy to see you, a premie baby gaining weight, smiling mamas as they listen to baby's heart beating loudly and baby giving a big mighty kick, laughter coming from the birth room as a god mother vividly and dramatically tells a first time mom how to push, friends that come and wrap you in their arms and tell you they love you, and so much more! 

     I love Haiti. Being here is both extremely draining and extremely rewarding!!! And yet its life... its amazing how your body and mind adjust to your surroundings and what's thrown into your lap. I was asked today if we've had any crazy cases come into clinic and at first I said no, then we started talking and I realized that there was more than I realized! Because its just normal life... Everyday God provides the strength and grace we need to face the challenges of each day. 

I have been doing quite a bit of visiting the last couple days. One of my friends that knows English pretty well, decided to start a small English school and asked me to help her. She has been doing an amazing job and her students are extremely excited about learning English which is helping them learn in leaps and bounds! So I try to hike up the mountain to her house as often as I can to help her out.  The pics below are from some of the visiting we've been doing.  

Please continue to pray for us! Prayer works and we can often feel it. 

-Marcile

                                             

Life

I close my eyes and I see tiny orange-haired-big-smiled children.I fall asleep and I dream about that late-night-adrenaline-pumping emergency run. I day-dream of eating a gallon of chocolate ice cream, right out of the bucket (because ice cream fixes everything, right?), and then, on furlough have the opportunity to actually do this, I hop out of my air-conditioned car, grab a spoon, open the ice cream and a tear rolls down my cheek and drops in the pail as pictures of small children and IV fluids flash thru my head. I take a bite that I don’t feel like swallowing because, well, it’s actually not as good as it seemed like it would be and I feel guilty eating happy-food when few of my friends can. 

I hike the mountains and pass by a tiny house and piles of children run out to say ”hi”. We exchange quick hugs & kisses and I remember the times I saw them as patients and we shared a lolipop. I think of my nieces and nephews and wish for the chance to hug them tight. 

I go to market and walk through the crowds of people, happy to see so many people out at market who I only know as patients while vendors yell at me to buy something from them. Sometimes I do. I feel refreshed and so happy to be with the people I love, doing what they’re doing. I keep walking and my mind drifts back to the land far away that everyone knows as ”the other side” and remember the grocery store isles filled with piles and piles of box-dinners and hamburgers and all the toppings you’d ever wish for and my brain wants to shut it off. The unfair-ness is too hard to think about it. 

All that said, the differences of my life in Haiti, vs life in the states are fresh in my mind because of a short trip back to the states where I enjoyed a couple weeks with my family and friends. 

Pray for us. Life isn’t fair and we often don’t know how to give and where to give. Be thankful for what you have. The people we work with have so much less than what most Americans do, but they’re happy and grateful for what they have and have taught me so so much. I know that I’ve learned so much more from them than what they’ll ever learn from me. They’re my friends and I wouldn’t trade them or my life with them for anything. ❤️ 

-Mis Emma 

Emergency runs.

  In comes another pregnant lady with complications, head injurys or some for sickness we can't treat and needs to be sent off to town, so we bump out the trail one more time, some days feeling quite worn out and like we can't go on any longer and then getting called down to clinic in the middle of the night repeatedly to check up on a laboring woman. Here's a verse that has blessed me lately.
      And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
     It's around 4:00 in the afternoon clinic is  over and here comes a moto bumping up the trail with a young pregnant lady who is coming to have her baby, she happened to be having some pre labor pain and stayed here for about 3 days. After she went into labor there were some things that where abnormal and we needed to head out to town with her for a C-section, so we loaded up on the UTV and bumped out the trail. 
    We arrived at the general hospital in T-Goave and they didn't have any money on them so we help them buy the things they needed to have a C-section then a nurse takes a blood sample and we find out she's anemic and T-Goave hospital doesn't have blood so they can't do the C-section, this is really disheartening because now she has to bump another hour and a half off to a different hospital and we where not planning to need money for a transfer so we scrounge together enough money and we're able to get her transferred to a hospital that had blood and they where able to have a C-section the next morning and mom and baby are fine.

    The baby hear in the picture is a preemie who was born here at clinic weighing just so 4 lb and needed to be kept on oxygen for the first week and then stayed another two weeks to make sure he was steadily gaining weight, once he finally reached 5 lb we sent them home.

Here's a little child who just got put on the plumpy nut program.

This little boy is just too adorable to not post a picture of him. Sometimes after seeing so many malnourished and unhealthy children it's refreshing to see one who is healthy and doing very well.

     So there's just a few things that have been happening around here, thank you all for your prayers and financial support. ~Ben~

A life of drastic differences

It’s the beautiful...and the ugly.

 The first newborn cry...and holding the hand of the dying elderly. 

The miracles...and the willingness to accept death and the fact that medicine can’t always prevent it. 

It’s swinging and playing games with the neighbor kids...and giving the malnourished  kid with negligent parents some life saving plummy-nut. 

It’s cuddling and weighing the adorable motherless babies who come to get milk...and doing all you can for the almost-dead innocent newborn who comes in because his parents didn’t bring him in soon enough and then wrapping him up tight, putting him in a box-and closing the lid-and handing the box back to his parents. 

It’s waving and yelling greetings to your friend across the mountains...and bouncing across those same mountains in the UTV with a patient in the back and an IV bag swinging from the frame- heading to another hospital. 

It’s holding the scared little patient tight and feeling their heartbeat pounding in their chest...and checking for a pulse in the next one, not being able to find it, double and triple checking, calling for a second opinion and finally, telling the parents that their child has no heartbeat. 

It’s talking and laughing with your friends while you drink coffee and eat bread...and doing all you can for the young patient with HIV, including providing transportation to a location where they can get the life-saving treatment, and having them refuse the help, and watching them walk out the doors toward home, knowing the patient will die. 

It’s going to market and recognizing half the people and being greeted by person after person who reminds you all that you’ve done for them...and being back at home, just getting read to sit down for supper, hearing a knock on the gate, heading to clinic, and not getting back for several hours, and then repeating that same thing at 3am. 

It’s sitting under the palm tree with your toes in the sand and feeling the ocean waves on your feet...and slowing unwrapping the rag that’s tied around your patients extremity and not knowing if you should expect a fresh laceration or a wound that’s been there for months and smells like death. 

It’s life. It’s invigorating and exhausting. Just to clarify, we don’t see all of these things every single day but these experiences, and countless others are all things we experience. I could think of a lot more things but I’ll stop before you’re bored stiff. 

Thanks once again for your prayers and support. We couldn’t do it without you. 

-Mis Emma